Originally posted for Skirt! on March 25, 2010
"Get out of our bed!" I screeched as I stood frozen with fury at our bedroom door. There she lay next to him in our bed looking as if I were the intruder. Her hair is the exact color as mine, and her eyes a rich dark brown. How dare he have her here! After all the talks and promises, he had gone behind my back and now I had caught them both!
"Get off Lady! I mean it!" She jumped to the ground a ran over to me with her tail wagging. Lady's chocolate eyes searched me for a treat or sign of affection. I couldn't stay mad at her, but I knew a fight between my husband and I was quickly approaching.
Why is it that even though we had been through this a thousand times before he still let her break the rules? No pets on the new furniture. Then, there she would be, sprawled out with him on the light cream fabric of our new sofa. No pets on the bed. And here she was. I felt betrayed; how dare they continue to go behind my back.
Is it common to be the odd man out when the other two consist of a man and a canine? And even worse, is this foreshadowing of a time in the future where we have a daughter that he cannot say no to and I am forced to be mean mommy? I admit that I am a chronic over-analyzer, but shouldn't a marriage try to be an undivided force?
By no means am I a clean freak or someone who is unrealistic in what it means to be a pet owner. They are animals and are going to get away with whatever they are allowed, so it's not the actual acts that make me nuts. In a way it almost makes her endearing, so , I can see where his heart may be pulled. But it's the breaking of plans. I, as a person, need follow-through and feel cheated when the common goal has been disregarded by my "teammate" without discussion.
Talking to a guy-friend he said most mean are this way once they have bonded with an animal. He said that dogs are naturally more suited to men, more than children even. Dogs don't talk, don't need their diapers changed, and genuinely don't mind going fishing all day long. His thought process was that women love their pets too, but in their minds babies trump pets and in a man's mind children are in addition to pets. Interesting? Yes. True? I don't know. I guess this is just one more quirk that make men and women or the first year of marriage so fascinating.
I guess I am still split. I love the affection and fatherly traits he shows with her but I need him to be concrete in our decisions. How do you handle it? When the things you love so much about your spouse can also cause not so fun arguments.